BOOK I CONTAINING AS MUCH
       OF THE BIRTH OF THE
       FOUNDLING AS IS NECESSARY OR
       PROPER TO ACQUAINT THE
       READER WITH IN THE BEGINNING
       OF THIS HISTORY

 
  Chapter 1

    The introduction to the work,
           or bill of fare
               to the feast

    An author
        ought to consider himself,
           not as a gentleman
             who gives a private
                  or eleemosynary treat,
         but rather as one
             who keeps a public ordinary,
           at which all persons are
             welcome for their money.

    In the former case,
           it is well known
             that the entertainer provides
               what fare he pleases;
        and though this
            should be very indifferent,
           and utterly disagreeable
               to the taste
                   of his company,
         they must not
              find any fault;
        nay,
           on the contrary,
         good breeding forces them outwardly
              to approve and to commend
             whatever is set before them.

    Now the contrary of this
        happens to the master
               of an ordinary.

    Men who pay for
         what they eat
            will insist on
             gratifying their palates,
           however nice and whimsical these
            may prove;
        and if everything
            is not agreeable
                   to their taste,
           will challenge a right
               to censure,
         to abuse,
           and to d
          --n their dinner without controul.

    To prevent,
           therefore,
         giving offence to their customers
               by any such disappointment,
           it hath been usual
               with the honest
                   and well-meaning host
              to provide a bill
                   of fare
              which all persons
                may peruse
                       at their first entrance
                           into the house;
        and having thence
              acquainted themselves
                   with the entertainment which
             they may expect,
           may either stay
              and regale with
             what is provided for them,
         or may depart
               to some
                   other ordinary better accommodated
               to their taste.

    As we
          do not disdain
              to borrow wit
                  or wisdom from any man
         who is capable
               of lending us either,
           we have condescended
              to take a hint
                   from these honest victuallers,
         and shall
              prefix not
                  only a general bill
                       of fare
                     to our whole entertainment,
           but shall likewise
              give the reader particular
                bills to every course
              which is
                  to be
                      served up
                           in this
                               and the ensuing volumes.

    The provision,
           then,
         which we
              have here made
                is no
                       other than Human Nature.

    Nor do
         I fear
           that my sensible reader,
           though most luxurious
               in his taste,
         will start,
           cavil,
         or be offended,
           because I have named
             but one article.

    The tortise-
           as the alderman of Bristol,
         well learned in eating,
         knows by much experience-
              besides the delicious calipash
                   and calipee,
           contains many different kinds
               of food;
        nor can the learned reader
              be ignorant,
           that in human nature,
         though here
              collected under one general name,
           is such prodigious variety,
         that a cook
            will have sooner
                  gone through all the
                      several species of animal
                           and vegetable food
                         in the world,
           than an author
            will be able
                  to exhaust
                       so extensive a subject.

    An objection
        may perhaps
              be apprehended
                   from the more delicate,
           that this dish
            is too common and vulgar;
        for what else
            is the subject of
                   all the romances,
           novels,
         plays,
           and poems,
         with which the stalls abound?

    Many exquisite viands
        might be
              rejected by the epicure,
           if it
            was a sufficient cause
                   for his contemning of them
                 as common and vulgar,
         that something
            was to be
                  found in the
                       most paltry alleys
                     under the same name.

    In reality,
           true nature
            is as difficult
                  to be
                      met with in authors,
         as the Bayonne ham,
           or Bologna sausage,
         is to be
              found in the shops.

    But the whole,
           to continue the same metaphor,
         consists in the cookery
               of the author;